My Postpartum Body

I found myself awakened this morning by a newborn screaming to be fed. Laying in a puddle of my own milk I frantically look for a clean swaddle or anything clean for that matter. I reached to pick up Asher only to realize we have poop leaking all over my already drenched shirt. I quickly strip down and begin the process of caring for my poopy hungry baby. Still in frantic mode I look down and notice my battle wound ( c section scar). I try to choke down that awful pity party that I can feel rising up& those tears that are ready to stream. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd be that girl who'd feel so ugly after such a beautiful experience. Not only was I obsessing over my unsightly scar that reaches hip to hip, my once perfect belly button was now stretched & my once flat tummy now had a ledge from where my tummy met my bikini line. It's almost as though I no longer knew who this body belonged to... All of my once favorite assets had  now dissipated into a pile of mush. I know what you're thinking "Give it time, it's only been three weeks!". Yes, my logical side is screaming the same sentence but the narcissist in me is mourning my pre-baby body. Why do people always talk about the happy things that come after motherhood ? What about the real things? The hard stuff? Never did I read that among all the amazing memories there would be some harsh judgment coming from no one other than myself. When did I stop being kind to myself? My body housed and created another life for 9 months, it endured 30 hours of labor and major surgery and not to mention is still providing nourishment  to our beloved baby boy. I might have to come to terms with the fact that my body might never be the same as my pre-baby body and that's OK. Regardless of what becomes of my body I need to begin to CARE for myself, be KIND to myself and LOVE myself. As mothers we tend to give so much we forget about ourselves, if we can take ten minutes out of our day to care for ourselves, as much as we care for others, I think we'll be ok. I've decided to work on my insecurities by finding affirmations that empower me throughout the day.
1. I am beautiful inside and out and I attract beauty in all it's forms into my life.
2. I am present within myself. I can center myself with the ease of my breath. I feel confident, worthy & whole.
3. I am grateful for my healthy body. I love life.
Overall my biggest reward is Asher, I recognize that this wonderful little life was worth it. For those of you wondering, yes I'm enjoying him too!! Motherhood can be such a whirlwind of emotions, what were some of your postpartum challenges?