My Postpartum Body

I found myself awakened this morning by a newborn screaming to be fed. Laying in a puddle of my own milk I frantically look for a clean swaddle or anything clean for that matter. I reached to pick up Asher only to realize we have poop leaking all over my already drenched shirt. I quickly strip down and begin the process of caring for my poopy hungry baby. Still in frantic mode I look down and notice my battle wound ( c section scar). I try to choke down that awful pity party that I can feel rising up& those tears that are ready to stream. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd be that girl who'd feel so ugly after such a beautiful experience. Not only was I obsessing over my unsightly scar that reaches hip to hip, my once perfect belly button was now stretched & my once flat tummy now had a ledge from where my tummy met my bikini line. It's almost as though I no longer knew who this body belonged to... All of my once favorite assets had  now dissipated into a pile of mush. I know what you're thinking "Give it time, it's only been three weeks!". Yes, my logical side is screaming the same sentence but the narcissist in me is mourning my pre-baby body. Why do people always talk about the happy things that come after motherhood ? What about the real things? The hard stuff? Never did I read that among all the amazing memories there would be some harsh judgment coming from no one other than myself. When did I stop being kind to myself? My body housed and created another life for 9 months, it endured 30 hours of labor and major surgery and not to mention is still providing nourishment  to our beloved baby boy. I might have to come to terms with the fact that my body might never be the same as my pre-baby body and that's OK. Regardless of what becomes of my body I need to begin to CARE for myself, be KIND to myself and LOVE myself. As mothers we tend to give so much we forget about ourselves, if we can take ten minutes out of our day to care for ourselves, as much as we care for others, I think we'll be ok. I've decided to work on my insecurities by finding affirmations that empower me throughout the day.
1. I am beautiful inside and out and I attract beauty in all it's forms into my life.
2. I am present within myself. I can center myself with the ease of my breath. I feel confident, worthy & whole.
3. I am grateful for my healthy body. I love life.
Overall my biggest reward is Asher, I recognize that this wonderful little life was worth it. For those of you wondering, yes I'm enjoying him too!! Motherhood can be such a whirlwind of emotions, what were some of your postpartum challenges?

Asher's Birth Story

Asher Vaughn is finally here!!! Let's start there, I'm ecstatic that he is here healthy, happy and that we are finally able to meet this little man. For those of you who have been following we waited a full 41 weeks and 3 days to meet him! It wasn't everything that I had wanted or even slightly wanted but the important thing is he's here. 

January 21st I had my last appointment with my doctor where he informed me I was only 1cm dilated and 70% effaced. I was so sad I hadn't progressed much since my last check up but I continued to keep a positive attitude we set and induction date for January 26th but also a procedure to insert a foley balloon to help me dilate for the 25th. The weekend passed and no contractions or even the slightest indication that Asher wanted to show up. January 25th we went in to get the Foley ballon inserted which by the way was the most uncomfortable process ever & pretty painful. I was able to go home until my induction the next morning with instructions to come back if anything didn't feel right, excessive bleeding, decreased movement ect. I pretty much had non stop contractions since the insertion from 2pm that day and on. Finally at 3 I waved the white flag and had Chris drive me to labor and delivery. Luckily my in laws were at home so they were able to care of Lola and hold down the fort till it was time! 

I was admitted and checked around 4am 

At that time I was dilated to a 5 which was called a foley 5 because I was dilated but not thinned. They started pitocin shortly after and holy crap that when the fun began. I labored for around 6 hours with only the occasional iv medication for pain and finally when my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart I got the epidural. Not what I had wanted but they said it might help relax me and hopefully help progress. I wasn't really dilating much at midnight I was finally a 7 and at 4am I was a 9 but after I reached a 9 I had stopped progressing. A shift change at the hospital at 8 am happened and the new and old doctor had felt it was a good idea to get a c-section due to some distress shown on the fetal monitor. After every contraction Asher's heart rate was falling and considering my lack of progression we were all eager to get him out. 

We suited up and around 30 minutes later I was wheeled into the operating room ready to meet Asher. I was terrified, full of anxiety and poor Chris had to be my rock because I was losing it. Luckily after a huge dose of numbing medication some quick tugs I was able to hear my baby boy cry for the first time. We met & it was euphoric. My little family was complete. I'm currently still recovering & the first couple of days were awful but our little present is here and we couldn't be happier. What was your birthing experience like? 

38 week Bump-Date

Asher,

Approximately 11 days till your arrival my love! I say approximately because we're kinda hoping its sooner. Selfish, we know but seriously after 9 months we want to know who's been eating all my food. Looking back at this journey it makes me so emotional to think that the time is almost here that you will no longer be inside me. I have to share you now & we have people lining up to meet you. I'm a little terrified of our adjustment period, wondering if you're going to love us as much as we love you. We hope to meet and exceed all of your expectations & have a few laughs along the way. I'm sure as you have already noticed mom and dad are goofballs and love a good laugh. Lola (aka your fur sister) knows who you are already, I always ask her to say hi to you and she comes up and licks my belly... Although she might be a little confused once you're out. She's already tried to steal a couple of your items #onlychildproblems. Physically Asher you are kicking my behind, literally & not so literally! We've been walking a lot, eating fresh pineapple, bouncing on my birthing ball, I never thought I'd be that lady but I am and I want you out (eviction notice served). Mommy's body is soooooo uncomfortable at this point and I can't step into the store without getting asked if the baby is coming now. I'd also appreciate it if you take it easy with the Bracton Hicks, mommy swore you were coming on Saturday, false alarm. All jokes aside, we're here for you when you're ready, we've waited this long what's a couple of more days. We love you so much.

XOXOXO,

Mommy

Loving yourself through pregnancy

Originally, while writing this piece I wanted to take a comical approach to the whole situation. Personally it has been such a struggle watching my body's transformation throughout these past 9 months. Yes, it's beautiful! Yes, it's amazing but that's not to say it isn't scary as hell (excuse my French)!!! There is nothing comical about sitting at the doorway sobbing because you can't get your shoes on, ok my husband still gets a kick out of that story but that is probably the most emotional I've EVER felt about shoes. I just never expected pregnancy to challenge my body in that ways that it has, from fitting into clothing to not being able to walking long distances this last trimester has really lived up to its hype. Documenting my journey via my blog and social media has really helped me through some of the more trying times. I've felt extra support from my family, friends and "followers" during pregnancy. On those days where I'm feeling extra down about my last pair of yoga pants not fitting I know I can always turn around and find kind words from mommies all over. I guess the biggest thing I've learned is I'm not alone on this journey so many women has faced the same issues and its normal to feel really crappy some days. Our bodies are creating a new life & though it might be overwhelming at times it is well worth it. Love those bump ladies, I've been told we're going to miss it! 

Maternity Photos

My Handsome Baby Boy,

My oh my, how the time flies only 5 weeks till you arrive!! Lets be very honest, mommy is so very nervous about this whole process but I know you are worth it. These last couple of weeks have been a little tiring, I'm getting bigger and bigger and slower and slower. I haven't slept much at all these past weeks and I'm thinking it's your way of getting me used to being up with you. We can definitely be night owls together as long and I get to hold your tiny body next to mine. Your motions in my tummy have become tidal waves, you are constantly rolling. Daddy loves to talk to you and asks you to come out on a daily basis, I guess I'm not the only one anxious to meet you. We're feeling pretty overwhelmed (in a good way)  knowing that we have so much kindness and love surrounding us. We are so lucky to have such an amazing tribe behind us, helping us get ready for you to come into this world. Auntie Randi and Uncle Adrian drove 8 hours to come and take pictures of you in my belly! Grandpa, Grandma, Auntie Cristiane, Uncle Michael and your cousins are driving down for Christmas. Uncle Chuy & Aunt Nikki call almost everyday to check in and are so excited to meet you. Grandma and Papa Waffles are literally counting down the days till you arrive. We are so blessed baby Asher, don't you ever forget that.

We Love you so much,
Mommy & Daddy

Pink Blush Fabulous Giveaway & Holiday Glam !

First off I want to start off by saying how AMAZING it has been working with Pink Blush Maternity, it has definitely given me a new perspective on the necessity of Comfy & Affordable Maternity wear
Secondly,  I received this beautiful Black Solid Maxi and I fell in love. I can honestly say that EVERY pregnant woman needs to own one of these, the versatility is endless and it flatters every bump, pun intended.  I was able to style this dress three different ways and honestly as I pulled out accessories from my closet I realized I could pretty much style this dress anyway I wanted.
LOOK #1

This was totally my Holiday look , a simple red lip paired with the perfect cinching belt and heels...TA-DA!! This can be worn to a Christmas Party or a Fancy gathering. Honestly, I just wanted to feel sexy and good. Carrying an extra 20 some pounds doesn't really leave room for feeling great about yourself but this dress definitely did the trick.

LOOK #2

I'm such a SO-CAL girl, as soon as I saw this dress I wanted to throw on some sandals and big hat and stroll through downtown San Clemente Shops. The great thing about this look is you can pretty much wear this anywhere & still feel like a million bucks. This Black Maxi Dress leaves room to dress up or down.

LOOK #3

This will probably be my Thanksgiving look, it's right in between dressy and casual. I paired it with the perfect low booties and popping necklace to give it that extra boom. Hello, extra plate of turkey we've got room for you. You don't have to worry about loosening any buttons or being uncomfortable in this breathable yet warm material is just what you need for those Holiday Feasts.

Now about that GIVEAWAY I wanted to make it a little fun and make sure you were checking out everything before entering so make sure you 1) add Pink Blush Maternity and I on Insta , 2) Like the Last Post 3) tag a friend in the comment section on Last Giveaway Picture on Instagram 4) Each additional friend tagged in a separate comment is an extra entry chance to win 5) for ONE bonus comment with your favorite Holiday food  Last Giveaway Picture on Instagram for a  $75 towards Pink Blush.  Winner will be picked 11/26/15 midnight and announced 11/27/15. Good Luck Ladies!

Pink Blush Part 1

Good Afternoon everyone! I wanted to start by thanking Pink Blush Maternity for sending me these beautiful outfits! Honestly, I haven't had the easiest time finding maternity clothes that fit well. I'm on the tiny side so sometimes even smalls are huge on me. Pink Blush made the online purchasing experience simple and I was 100% satisfied with their quality and selections.

So first up I instantly fell in love with their Navy Blue Rose Delivery/Nursing Robe which you could purchase here.The material is so light weight and it sits perfectly right at my knee. I had been on the search for a robe and I wanted it to be picture friendly. I know it's ridiculous but I want to have great pictures after Asher is born and not in the typical hospital gown, WISH granted. Pink blush has so many other prints and at great price! If you're on the hunt for the perfect Delivery gown visit http://www.pinkblushmaternity.com

Next up is this beautiful number, at 31 weeks very rarely have I felt pretty... this gown though made me feel gorgeous instantly. The material on this gown is stretchy so it flatters every curve and it's so light weight! I wish I would have had this dress for my baby shower, so comfy and a great fit! I wanted this gown to be styled very minimally, the pattern has a lot going on so I knew the simple crown would do wonders! This dress can be worn with flats, heels, sandals, you name it.I can definitely see myself wearing this dress even after Asher is born it's just that great. You can find the Jade Vibrant Floral Draped maxi Here. Pink Blush has a ton of dresses similar to this one on their website. Make sure you swing by and check them out.

As promised I have one more Holiday Outfit to unveil, stay tuned to see how I styled their Solid Maxi Dress. Also, stop by next week so you can get more info about our $75 giveaway for Black Friday!!!  I'm going to leave some more pictures, please comment with any questions and make sure you follow us on Instagram @karolynloveschai and @pinkblushmaternity !

 

Dear Asher, (24 week letter to baby)

Asher,
It's so strange, we've finally decided on a name, it was daddy's choice and it took me a while to say yes but I really loved the meaning it means Happiness/Blessing and that is truly what you are. Our next task is to find a middle name we have so many choices and honestly choosing your name is a daunting task, there's so much to consider but we hope you love your name as much as we do and forgive us if your middle name gives you terrible initials, we are trying! Today officially marks the 24th week that you have been in my belly! Your movements are so much stronger and I feel like you are constantly trying to communicate with us via Morse code. You love to nestle right by mommy's rib cage and love our afternoons with daddy (that's when I feel you the most). Not only have you been growing like a wild flower I have been growing too and I'm loving every second of it. We just got done with your two beautiful baby shower's and Oh boy are you loved! We are truly blessed with the most wonderful people around. I've been wondering a lot about your temperament and trying to imagine all of the great lessons we have ahead. I have also been planning the fun stuff but I have a feeling daddy will be in charge of that. Can I just tell you that you have already impacted our lives so much, our future looks so bright and shiny. I feel so bonded and connected with your dad and it's so so amazing to be in such sync with the person that you love (I hope you can find a love like this one day). He's been working really hard ( I hope you can learn that from him) and he talks to you everyday, he especially likes to wake you up. I've been reading to you every night from the books that our family and friends have given to us, you and Lola seem to be enjoying the bedtime stories. In 16 short weeks you will be here & we will be ready. We love you so much already.

Love,
Mommy

Hello 20 Weeks!

My Oh my, how time flies! I can't believe it's been 20 weeks that our baby boy has been inside my tummy. I'm finally showing enough to get comments from strangers (Fun?). I'm feeling strong kicks daily & daddy finally got to feel his first kick the other night. Baby loves to hear grandmas voice and gives a strong kick every time shes on speaker phone. As far as symptoms go they haven't been too bad. I'm amazed at how quickly my body is changing and I'm really feeling like mom already! Our baby shower is this weekend and I can't wait to see everyone from back home. I've always felt like I'd still be in Phoenix when I had my first child so it's strange to think that I'm half way through and everyone is JUST going to see my tummy. I can't WAIT! I have a feeling these next 20 weeks are going to go by so quickly.
I've been feeling extremely emotional and every time I see a mom with her baby I do the happy dance inside.  I can't wait to just hold him and kiss him. I'm not looking forward to the sleepless nights but I have a feeling it's all going to be worth it. I have been dreaming up what he is going to look like and be like, just wondering what adventures await us. The anticipation to meet him is building up and driving me crazy but I also want to savor these last few months with just my husband and I. We've been living a pretty quite life so far, I think it's going to be quite the change for us.
Here are some photos from the past couple of weeks  I wanted to share. Thanks as always for reading & for those of you who didn't know I opened up an etsy shop selling some of my paintings
so check it out when you have a chance. Vast and Brilliant Shop

More Puppy love for Daddy

Hawaiian Ice (Nom NOM)

OMG! My new favorite

20 weeks!

Baby S at his 20 week scan

Lola loving on daddy

Trying on baby shower dresses